I'll Wait

And so it begins. My man has gone. Off to do the job he has been sent to do. As much as I will be worried about him and wanted him to stay, I knew I could not ask this of him. For to do that would be to ask him not to be the man he is.

After he left I went back to his flat which I will be taking care of while he is gone. I really didn't know where to go. I thought being at his place would make him being gone a bit easier to take. But I was wrong. It was the worst place to be. Just hours before he was there. The smell of his cologne still lingered in the air. Pictures of us hang on the wall. Silent memories, reminders of his presence in this life. Where we once shared laughter and love, now there is only the ticking of the clock in the kitchen to break the silence. I could only spend a few moments there before it got to depressing. I gave his plants some water and headed home.

On the walk back me mind raced with so many thoughts. I felt lost, alone. I haven't felt like this in a long time. I didn't want to go home. Yet I didn't know where else to go. So I just started running. I just ran and ran and ran. I ran until I just fell down in the park exhausted. I laid there for awhile, lost in thought until a few raindrops fell on me and brought me back to the here and now.

Now I am home. Had a shower and as I dressed I found one of his t-shirts he left. I put it on and even though its just a shirt, it somehow makes it feel like part of him is still here with me.

I signed on tonight to check emails. I found an email he sent me earlier today. In it was this video I posted. I quickly sent him off an email. In the past, I could send him an email through the day and he would respond quickly. Now it won't be that instant response. And so it begins, the waiting. Waiting for a letter, an email, a phone call. Waiting for the day he returns. Three months, six months, longer? Will I even be in Ireland when he returns? I don't know what the future holds, or how long it will take. But if you get to read this, I just wanted to answer you and say....For you I'd wait, til Kingdom comes. For you I'd wait until my days are done. For you, I'll wait. Just come home safe.