Saturday, January 5, 2008

A Place Forever In My Heart

If Heaven - Andy Griggs

I am back to the place I grew up in Pennsylvania.
I used to sit in this gazebo as a teenager on hot summer nights with my grandmother and my mother. They loved gazebos. My father would be off cooking on the grill and there were friends and family running around playing and enjoying the evening.

I remember sitting on those steps one warm summer night. I was surrounded by family and friends who loved me, but I was feeling sad because I felt I was missing something. That one thing was someone to love, someone who loved me. It seemed almost everyone I knew was dating someone. But not I, for it was not easy to find another gay man living in the country. How I longed to walk down this sidewalk holding the hand of the one I loved and introduce him to my family. I remember laughing to myself when I thought of what some of their reactions would have been like.

I went here to this gazebo last night with my man after visiting my parents graves. As I stood on the gazebo, the ghosts of my past surrounded me. I could still picture that young boy sitting on those steps feeling sorry for himself. I could still hear the sound of the laughter of my friends, my fathers voice calling everyone to dinner. The sweet smiles of my grandmother and mother as they sat waving little fans to keep the heat down and the flies away.

All I wanted at the time was for those days to pass quickly so I could become a little older and get out of this small town. To find my life, to seek adventure, to experience love. So it was kind of ironic that I now stood on this gazebo with the arms of my man wrapped around me to comfort me as I cried.

My return has brought great excitement!


Kelly said...

I love you.

Mike said...

I remember those days too. They seem like a distant dream don't they?