Saturday, June 16, 2007

Reflection




Did you ever have one of those moments in life that you know will be a moment you will always remember until the day you die? I had one of those moments tonight.

Me guy and I went out to dinner at a Japanese restaurant. At one point, this song Sukiyaki came on in the background. He took me hand and looked into me eyes and said in his deep Irish accent, "This song that is playing. Someday I will be listening to it,thinking of you. I'll be wondering where you are and how you are doing. I will remember this moment, this night." He leaned over and kissed me, in front of the whole restaurant, he kissed me.

The song stuck in me head and when we came home I decided to download it and add to a play list of slow songs to listen to as I did some reading for a meeting I am having with IBM on Monday at work. Me mate fell asleep on the couch.

I sat in the chair next to the couch and as I read, I noticed him roll over and his pillow fall off the couch onto the floor. I saw him reach around the couch sleepily for it and when he could not retrieve it, he just fell back to sleep. But he didn’t look comfortable. So I got up quietly and picked up the pillow. I tried to slowly lift his head to put the pillow back under it. As I did this, he awoke and opened his eyes. He looked at me with this sad look on his face. He reached up, put his hand behind me head and pulled me to him and gave me a strong kiss. Then he whispered in me ear, "I love you. Don't leave me." Just as quick as he woke up, he rolled back over and closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

I sat back down in the chair and thought about what had just happened. This was the first time he has told me he loved me with any real feeling towards it. It made me smile. Then I thought about the second part of what he said, "Don't leave me." It made me realize that I had some serious thinking to do concerning him and I. When I first moved to Ireland, I was planning on staying a year at the most, having some fun. Then moving back to the States. I was not planning on falling for a guy here.

As he slept, I sat there watching him. This song Sukiyaki came on. The words suddenly became clear to me. I realized that I have fallen in love with him too. I realized that things have now just gotten really complicated.

So I put my reading to the side and have just been sitting here thinking about life. I realized I had not done this for a while. In today’s world we are usually so busy doing something, anything that we rarely just take a moment to ourselves and think about our lives. To take a moment and reflect on where you are in life.

I was always the one that watched me cousin or friends go off and travel and live these different lives. But moving from America to Ireland has been one huge change for me and I never really stopped to think about all I had to do to get this to happen. Of course I never would have done this if not for me cousin. Still, when I think back on it now, if I knew what I do now, I probably would have thought twice about it and scared myself into staying at home back in the states.

Now that I am here, I have finally within the past couple of months found that I feel at home here. I do get homesick quite a lot for those back home. I will see them soon when I go back for a visit in July. But I realized tonight, I am no longer just here on vacation. This is me life.

7 comments:

Cin said...

You brought tears to my eye's. Isn't it a wonderful feeling when you've finally found where you belong!

budajsguy said...

I could have told you weeks ago you had fallen, but you didn't ask. I'm thrilled for you, Butch. Your mate is a lucky guy.

Kelly said...

You think your in love. Aww, I am so happy for you baby.

Brad said...

In love. Yes, your life is getting complicated. But in a good way I hope.

Your Cousin said...

When you got hacked off at me and moved out and stopped talking to me you went and found this new life and a nice bloke. I'm happy for ye cousin. You deserve to be happy. My only hope is that you find what makes you happy. Since I've watched you two together, I think you have found it.

Anonymous said...

Wonderful, great news for you if you want to be in love. Sad if you will have to say goodbye.

Anonymous said...

How great you found love.