Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Home

Just a quick note to say I'm finally home from a long voyage. It took awhile to get my land legs, everything seemed to be a bit wobbly for awhile. I've returned with a nice bruise on my side where I cracked my ribs when I almost went overboard in rough seas, but they're healing and I'll be fine. Imagine walking along and all of a sudden you're pushed into a rail and you're body has no control and bends over the railing in the shape of a U. Ouch, yeah, it hurt like hell.



It's such a good feeling to be home and see my babies (my cats) greeting me at the door. I stuck my bags down by the door and they became torn between greeting me and rumaching through the bags. Not sure if they wanted to see if I brought them a present or if they were enjoying the smell of fish on everything.



Gareth was out when I got in, but as I began to undress to get a nice long, hot shower I noticed some flowers on the table in a nice vase and a big glass jug you would put juice into sitting next to it with a card in front of them. It had my name on it, so I opened it and read, "This is my mums vase, so I thought I would fill it with flowers and water so you don't throw it at me. If you get the urge to throw something at me, use this glass jug, I never liked it much anyway. " I had to smile at this as I headed off to the showers.


I can honestly tell you that hot water hitting my body was better than sex or chocolate at that moment. Even better than sex while eating chocolates.



I was just finishing my shower and walking out with the towel around my waist when Gareth walked in. He saw me and turned as if he was going to walk back out, then turned back too me and for a brief second I wasn't sure if he was coming or going and I don't think he knew either. Leaving the door open for a quick getaway he stood with his head down fidgeting with his keys for a moment not sure if I was going to yell at him. This was the first time seeing each other since he sent me a message at sea stating he had accepted on to a project to open a clinic or two in South Africa and it would be a two year committment. We had talked about the possiblity, but nothing was close to being definate when I left for the voyage so it came as quite a shock and I sent him a response which he didn't get and we had some communication issues, so I had to wait til I returned.



I had a whole bunch of things in my head that I was going to say to him when I got back, I even practiced saying them and thinking of what his response would be so I could have a good reply back in the argument. But seeing him standing there, that nervous look on his face, his tie undone and his hair looking tossled, which it always does even a minute after combing, I lost the words I was going to say and all my heart could think of was how much I loved him and all I could say was "So, two years?"



At this he started talking quickly about how yes it's two years, but he would be commuting back and forth and not actually moving there and I could come visit. He paused for a brief moment and when I didn't say anything he went on to explain how two years isn't a long time and that he wouldn't be there the whole two years, just a few months or even just weeks here and there and that its really not as bad as it seems. At least it was something like that. He was talking so fast and nervous I wasn't sure if I had just been sold a car along with his speech. Then just as fast as he started talking, he stopped. My brain was still processing what he said, which led to a long silence between us. It wasn't until I realized he was still holding tight to the door knob and waiting for a response from me that I realized I should say something. So I said, "You think we can make this work?" Once again, not really what I was thinking I was going to say at this moment, but sometimes your mouth realizes its not a good idea to repeat what is being spoken in the brain.


He finally felt safe enough to let the door shut behind him and came over to me to tell me he doesn't want to loose me and if it means chosing between one or the other, he chooses me. But he did point out I previously told him I would support him no matter what he decided to do. Which led us to have a nice talk on the couch until I fell asleep on his shoulder. I just woke to find myself covered with a blanket on the couch and Gareth sitting in the reclyner fast asleep, one cat on the couch with me and one on his lap.


I laid there for a moment watching everyone sleep and taking it all in. Not sure how we're going to make this work, but I don't want to loose him either. Guess this means we'll have to figure something out. I would never ask him to not do something that makes him happy in life, that gives him a purpose for why he is here on this Earth just so I can wake up in his arms each morning. He's allowed me to be me, so I have to suck it up and allow him to be who he is. If you look at the small picture, two years is a long time. I havn't even been in Ireland for two years yet, but it feels like forever. Still, if you look at the big picture and I want to spend the rest of my life with this man, two years is a drop in the bucket if we're lucky enough to get that lifetime together.


My back hurts and my bed is looking comfy. I'm going to get my man and my little ones and fall asleep with everything that is precious to me in my arms.












30 comments:

Ing said...

Glad your back home safe and sound sweetie! I'm so glad to hear this! I'm rooting for you both to make this work! I think you will, you both love each other enough. Get some rest and take care of the ribs..ouch! Welcome back and glad to hear that all is somewhat ok. :)

Kimmo said...

You have a good, kind heart, well worth listening to. As you say, two years is nothing in the big scheme of things. I wish both of you happiness and courage!

Garden Man said...

Glad to hear you are home, your ribs are on the mend (also hope your chapped lips are healing as it sounds like you may be needing them)and things are mending in your personal life. Life's ups and downs can be quite stressful at times, but things seem to be working out for you and Gareth. Good Luck on your future plans together.

apollo said...

Hey, glad you're home more or less in one piece. Reading all your thoughts and outlook on life, i know you will find your way with Gareth. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers :)

Wayne said...

I'm glad you're back - everything turns out for the best in the end - when you live life with that attitude nothing can go "wrong".

Thoughts of peace to both of you as you enter this next phase of your life together - and just remember - he's happy - what more could you want for another human being?

David said...

Welcome back!! I hope you and Gareth can make the long distance thing work. I hope the ribs get better soon.

Damo Mackerel said...

' you're body has no control and bends over the railing in the shape of a U.'

Surely you would be used to that? LOLS.

Seriously though, why not give it a go? The two years will sail by. If he doesn't go, he'll become resentful and you'll definately lose him. If he does go, there is ever chance it will work out and the two of ye will be together.

Damo Mackerel.

WranglerMan said...

Oh, God, Man! I'm sorry. It must hurt a lot right now, and I'm not referring to your ribs!

Two years is not a long time, but it is a challenge to a relationship. Your love for each other can get you through it, so can a great deal of understanding and compromising. Just remember, you are supports to each other, not crutches! hope that's not too much of a cliche, but it is true!

Anonymous said...

glad that you're back safely...:)

i personally think that 2 years is not too long to wait consider that what you guys will be hoping to get after all (that you'll be together for a lifetime). however, we should remind ourselves though that living in the real world is living with uncertainty. all you can do is to give the best effort possible.

Love is all about understanding. seeing someone you love happy should make yourself happy...no matter what...that's what i call "unconditional love"...and that the best kind of all..i guess...:)

hang in there, buddy...get some rest...take care...

-DC-

Anonymous said...

Sniff Hold thaT MAN!!!!

James said...

Welcome back. Good to see things are not as dire as they looked a week and a half back. Hope everything works out for you and Gareth. Btw beautiful cats!

Josh said...

This brought tears to my eyes! I hope you guys are able to pull through. My heart continues going out to you.

Joel said...

You can make it work!! I've been going through the same situation... it's quite difficult but not impossible. You just need good communication skills and lots of L.O.V.E ;D
If you love him the way you say you do, and I do believe you, then you'll make it. Yes, 2 years it's a long time. My life changed in a matter of months, so, imagine 2 years.
But it is as you say... 2 years compared to a lifetime is just nothing!
We were worried about you mate. Good thing you posted something.
All the best!!
Cheers.

Anonymous said...

hey never posted before but just wanted to say im glad u guys are gonna work out a way to stay together!

Runaway said...

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!
I'm so happy that things are better!
Well, in coparison with the last post the things seem to be totally better to you, and your gareth! ^^

I knew if I didn't stop thinking that things would get better to you, that would become true.

I'm glad for you and I'm sure you and Gareth going to find a way make this work.

Hugs

Vévé said...

So, it's like I've said all along... decisions decisions decisions... often mean nothing til we're face to face, eye to eye... where the truth lies anyway... I've known all along this was going to be the end of this episode... for what you both have is far too PRECIOUS to most of us just to throw it away for a 2year period of time compared to a lifetime of moments like this one "return home" ...
like I said, we just had to wait and BELIEVE :)
I'm glad though... this means it can work... if we can work at it :)

Johann said...

I am so very glad you are back safe and sound. And good to hear you are working together to make things work. Relationships, like everything, take hard work to last.

Bill said...

Welcome back AI!!! I'm inclined to think that you and Gareth will make things work out. You seem like such a compatible couple, and you'll remain together emotionally even though you're apart physically. Best wishes! And I hope your ribs heal very soon!!

Palgrave said...

Well, gee thanks! You made me cry! But I thank you for sharing this touching glimpse into your life.

You have a talent for writing and conveying what many of us, and most especially I, would have trouble communicating.

Gareth, nervously standing at the door, awaiting your response was so touching.

As I mentioned in a previous post, years ago, I was in a similar situation; my partner was at our home in CA, 2,495 miles away, while I was on the East coast doing my pre-med. There were other options, but he recognized how momentous an opportunity it was for me to be able to study directly under Sir Hans Adolf Krebs assistant. (Yes, I can explain the Krebs Cycle in less than seven minutes. lol)

Many nights I would drive home from school and just burst out crying, exhausted and lonely.

The results of our two year, bi-coastal commuting was I soon knew most of the Delta flight attendants by name, and the times we were able to spend together were all the more special and cherished. In the end, I believe our relationship and love for one another was stronger for having gone through the period of separation.

You can make it work!

Brendan said...

*relieved*

*hug*

Andrew said...

For such a confusing and difficult time, this is a very well put together and expressed post. It's funny, sometimes I think my life is complicated but this almost sounds like something out of a movie. I'm sure you'll be able to sort everything out!

The New Me said...

Yeah! WooHoo!!!

Sleep well, and I'm so glad to hear the news.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back home, boy. Have faith,stay together, it will surely work.
Love

budajsguy said...

Well I feel a little better now, but you must give that boy a serious smack up top the head for sending you such a message while you were at sea. Anyway, love ya bunches. Glad to see things are better than they appeared to be. Best wishes and hugs.

HH said...

I hope you guys can work things out.

Frank B said...

Two years is not easy, but people do it. Sailors should know that ;-)

Anonymous said...

i have just come across your blog and it is wonderful. hope you can sort things with garret. but as the song goes que sera sera what will be will be you seem like a really good guy....hope you are enjoying living in my home town.

American Irish said...

Thanks everyone for taking the time to leave me a comment. The fact that you take the time to check out this blog is sweet, but to take the time to leave comments is something I really take to heart. You help me stay grounded. They really touch my heart and help me process things when I read what others think.

Rob (trvlr64) said...

As people have posted already, 2 years isn't that long of a time. Gareth has also said he's not moving there permanently and that he'll be traveling back and forth.

Just think of all the welcome home SEX you'll have. (remember to stretch before any strenuous activity!!)

It will be so refreshing and exciting to see him walk in the front door and it will be hard to see he walk back out again but you guys will make this work I bet.

We all have faith in you.

Wendy said...

Glad for you that things are a little more right in your world again.