Monday, November 10, 2008
My man Gareth's mother was hospitalized early this morning in critical condition from a heart attack. It was a long day spent at the hospital with his family, waiting for news on her condition. Being a doctor himself, they couldn't sugar coat things with him and give him false hopes. But being the man, or maybe the doctor that he is, he made sure his family retained some hope and kept their spirits on the brighter side. For most of the day I even thought he was believing it himself until we left to check on the animals and things at her home.
When we pulled up to her house he sat in the car for a moment and I could tell he was fighting back tears and was lost deep in thought. I figured I would give him a moment alone so I asked him for the keys to the house. He said he was fine and turned the car off and got out with me and walked inside not saying a word.
Once inside we we're greeted by the dog at the door and as I watched him play with the dog and walk into the kitchen to feed him he had a smile on his face and asked me if I wanted anything to drink or eat. Everything seemed like a normal visit except she wasn't there.
I went into the living room, turned on a table lamp and fed the fish. As I turned around he was standing in the doorway looking around the room sipping a glass of soda. He handed me a glass and started telling me stories of his childhood and his mother and father as he reminisced of his time living in the house. After a couple of minutes he said he was going to let the dog out and then go upstairs and make sure everything was OK before we headed out.
I went to the kitchen with our two empty glasses and decided to wash the dishes that were in the sink. I thought we should take the dog to his place, so I gathered up his food and dishes and put them in a bag. After a few minutes of wondering where he was, I walked upstairs to see what he was doing. I found him sitting on his mothers bed, head bowed, tears rolling down his face. I wiped a tear from his cheek and he grabbed my hand and kissed it and pulled me down to sit next to him. He laid his head on my shoulder and cried as I held him. I was trying not to cry since one of us had to stay strong, but I love him with all my heart and seeing him so sad broke my heart. I remembered the feelings I had when my mother passed and I realized there was nothing I could say to make him feel better. All I could do was be strong for him and be there for him to lean on as I have leaned on him before, so many times.
After a couple minutes I told him I thought we should take the dog with us to his place so he's not alone until she comes home. The thought of this seemed to cheer him up a bit and he leaned in and kissed me. He kissed me hard holding onto me as he pushed me back onto his mothers bed. The thought of being on his mothers bed didn't escape me. I asked him what he thought his mother would say if she knew he was kissing me on her bed. He laughed at the thought and said lets go home. We gathered the dog and went to his place where we are now.
After taking a long shower and eating some food, we curled up on the couch where he's currently sleeping with his head on my lap. The dog is curled up on a chair nearby as I sit here typing this. All is quiet right now, only the clicking of the clock and my strokes on the keyboard making a noise. I was laying over his shoulder watching him sleep and started to rub his hair like my mother used to do to me when she comforted me. But he started to stir and I didn't want to wake him, so I decided to open the laptop and type a post. Experience tells me that bad news usually comes in the early morning. So right now I'm finding it hard to sleep and I keep staring at the phone on the table. Hopefully that call won't come and things will look better in the morning light.
For now, I'm going to stay here next to him, hold him as tight as possible and hope that he gets to have at least one more chance to hear his mothers voice, hold her hand and tell her all the things he wished he would have told her but was putting off for another day.