Friendship

Another Saturday night in Dublin and we’re having a small party with some close friends. Five men, three women and if we had one more person we could start a co-ed baseball team.


We went out to dinner at a lovely Italian place nearby and after having our fill of pasta and bread, we’ve come back to our place for a few drinks, music, and stories. Love and laughter are two important emotions the human soul can experience and it’s good to know that you have someone to share the moments of your life with.

The two cats are watching the evening unfold as they sit side by side in the corner of the room, their heads going back forth as if watching a tennis match as voices and laughter rise and fall.


As I watched the proceedings at the dinner table tonight, I started to think about friendship. Each of us interacts with hundreds of strangers in a given day and while several may become familiar to us and we can call them an acquaintance, there are a select few we choose to let into our inner circles that become true friends.

I grew up with my circle of friends from home back in the States and I missed and longed for those close friendships when I first moved away, first to London and then in Dublin. Sure I had my cousin with me for awhile, but he had his own life and his set of friends already here and I was just the cousin.


Even though I had made some connections and even had a few dates, there was no one that I could really rely on as a friend for a few months. My life consisted mainly of going to work, working out, calling friends back home, and specializing in Dublin take out. On my walk home from work a few nights a week, I would stop in at a nearby restaurant for dinner. It served two purposes, one I didn't feel like cooking for myself and it broke up the routine of just going home alone. The staff and I got to know each other well and while they were all rather friendly and nice, there was this one blonde haired Irish boy with a bright smile that would always take time to talk to me as I ate dinner or get my takeout. He was full of questions about America and I was full of questions about Dublin and Ireland and we helped each other pass the time away.


There came a time when my cousin decided to leave Dublin and I had to decide if I wanted to stay on in the city by myself or go back home to the states. I didn’t know what to do, I felt lost in this world.


At that same time, I stopped by the restaurant on my way home to get my usual dinner and the Irish boy with the smile didn’t have one this day. Instead he had a black eye from the beating his father gave him before throwing him out of the house. We don’t get to always choose our friends, sometimes fate brings you together. That night, fate brought us together and I invited him back to stay at my place instead of in the restaurant office. Two lost souls had found someone they could rely on.


Over time, we moved in together and shared a flat. He said he didn’t care that I was gay and wouldn’t judge me if I didn’t judge him for having an abusive, alcoholic father. Our friendship formed and we supported each other through good and troubled times until we could both stand on our own feet, secure of where we we’re going in this world. Eventually our circle of friends grew and we each found love and our place in this world. I’ve watched him grow into a husband and father and I don’t think either one of us would be the men we are today, where we are today, without the friendship of each other.


I can recall many moments when we didn’t know where we were headed the next day, yet now we get together and amongst the laughter and stories we talk of the future and make plans together in that future. It’s a lovely feeling when friends talk of the future and make plans because it means not only is your life going where you want it to be, you’ll get there together. It’s overwhelming when a friend tells you they love you for who you are. You’re friends not because you need to be, but because of the happiness you share when you get together.


Friendship is embodied in the deep laughter that comes from the heart, the hugs that can last as long as you want without embarrassment, the safety of being able to shed a tear on a bad day or just the sharing of a smile, even if no words are expressed, the eyes understand.