Life Choices

I had to go into work tonight to deal with an issue. On the way home I decided to stop and get something to eat from a place where I used to hang out when I first moved to Dublin. It was kind of crowded, noisy and I was tired so I decided to just get the food to go home.

As I waited for the food, I looked around the place, but didn't see anyone I recognized. I got the food and made my way to the door to leave. That is when I noticed a friend of mine sitting in the far front corner by the window with some of his friends. It was the guy I dated when I first moved to Dublin. I was torn between trying to get his attention to say hello or trying to sneak out unseen. You see, the last time I saw him he was angry and hurt with me for choosing my man over him. So I wasn't sure how he would react. Would he wave back or pick up a pint and throw at my head. But before I could decide what to do, he saw me and waved. He had a smile on his face and wasn't reaching for anything to throw, so I waved back. He said something but I could not lip read or hear what he said. I motioned I could not hear him. He stood up and motioned to go outside. Part of me thought he wants me to go outside where it's dark and there are less witnesses when he murders me.

Once outside he went to hug me but then backed up, put his hand behind his head like he suddenly had an itch he needed to scratch, smiled and turned away from me and grimaced. It was an awkward moment. He kept shifting around as if he suddenly had a million ants crawling in his pants. I thought either he forgot to take medication today or he is nervous.

I decided to lead him to the empty bench outside. Once seated he calmed down and we made small talk. We got caught up on each others lives, but I left out the part about still being with my guy. After a few minutes he asked me if we were still together. I replied that we we're and explained to him that he is in Africa right now working. My friend looked down at the ground for a moment, then looked up and smiled. He said he hopes he comes home safe and that he wishes us the best. Even if it was a lie, the fact that he said those words meant a lot.

He told me he was dating someone, but it was nothing serious. We talked a couple more minutes and then we decided he had to get back inside to his friends and I had to get my now cold food home to eat. We did hug this time and it was a good long hug. I turned to walk home and he went inside. I thought about him and the times we were together. I did care about him a lot and I had missed talking to him.

As I walked home I thought about life and the roads we choose. If I had never met the man I am with now, would I still be with this guy? Would that be my life right now, sitting in that restaurant with him and his friends? How different would my life be right now? But through it all I thought of my man. Just picturing his face in my mind and thinking of memories of us brought a smile to my face. Even though I have many things to consider for changes in my professional life and I am very confused on what road to choose, I realized on a personal level, my heart is right where it needs to be and I think I am on the right road.